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Jewish and Jewish-Interfaith WeddingsBy Martha Blanchfield (with Yehudit Steinberg-Caudill) Traditional Jewish and Jewish-Interfaith weddings are steeped in meaningful rituals and focus intently on the significance and purpose of marriage. Jewish weddings celebrate the beauty of the relationship between husband and wife and their obligations to one another and the Jewish people. Weddings in the U.S. are mindful of religious, cultural and the regional distinctions that have impact on Jewish faith. Most celebrations take cues from the bride and groom's cultural and geographic heritage, and many celebrations in Napa and Sonoma Counties are highly-personalized. No two weddings are alike, and this article sets out only to provide a broad view of some Jewish and Jewish-Interfaith wedding traditions that are popular in the U.S. The Jewish FaithThe Jewish community divides into itself into two groups based on where their ancestors originated. Ashkenazim Jews are from Germany and Eastern European countries, while Sephardic Jews are from Spanish and Mediterranean countries. The Ashkenazim make up the vast majority of Jews in the world and are divided into three main groups: Orthodox, Conservative and Reform, plus three more contemporary movements: Reconstructionist, Renewal and Humanist. There are a large number of Jewish people in the U.S. who are unaffiliated with any of these groups and many of the Jews in Israel consider themselves to be “secular.” Because Sephardic Jews have different ethnic origins, they follow a distinctively different liturgy and base their religious law on the Shulchan Aruch without the glosses of Moses Isserles.While customs and traditions may vary between different communities of Jews, at the core, every Jewish wedding ceremony consists of:
All other acts and events are customs, including the Ketubah, chuppah, seven wedding blessings, breaking of a glass and the presence of a rabbi. The Jewish Wedding
In the U.S. today, a wedding personalization is common and often times the planning of a Jewish wedding can benefit from advice that helps navigate customs and traditions. Yehudit Steinberg-Caudill, a wedding consultant with Sacred Events of San Francisco, notes, “We weave a customized celebration through a collaborative process that identifies elements that are important to the couple and their family. There are many nuances and added touches a couple can embrace to mark their important day: the style of chuppah, an individualized Ketubah, personalized vows, creative ways to say the seven blessings, songs and chants included in the service, the type of wine used for the blessing, special music and dances.” When starting the planning process, Steinberg-Caudill recommends the first step be the selecting of a rabbi and consulting with family elders to discuss specific rituals and traditions. “Selecting a rabbi to perform your service will depend on a number of factors, including location, day and time,” notes Steinberg-Caudill. “This can be one of the most time consuming and daunting aspects of wedding planning, especially if you are planning an interfaith or intercultural wedding and/or a destination wedding.” The rabbi performing the ceremony has the final authority for the service. Rabbi Gershon Caudill, also with Sacred Events, adds “It's important to keep in mind that the wedding ceremony is basically a legal ceremony with God and the community bestowing blessings of prosperity and abundance to the couple. In the Jewish ceremony there are no vows of ‘I do' or ‘to death do us part.'” Jewish Wedding Rituals
A Jewish bride and groom are bound in marriage by a deed called the Ketubah. The Ketubah is a contract prepared in the native language of the couple, and traditionally it outlines the bridegroom's responsibility for and to his bride. Historically the Ketubah was signed by the groom and two witnesses in private chambers prior to the public portion of the wedding. Today, most brides also sign the Ketubah and also have their own witnesses. Since the early 1970s, tradition has changed somewhat to include a combined declaration of commitment by both bride and groom, plus joint affirmation of the couple's connection to God, Torah, mitzvoth and the Jewish people. Couples often hire an artisan to create a beautifully ornate Ketubah that will be framed and displayed in their home. The Ketubah document becomes the property of the bride to cherish and preserve. It's interesting to note that this document has little or no legal significance in most countries; its significance is only within the Jewish rabbinical system. Jewish or Jewish-Interfaith couples therefore will still need to obtain a state marriage license. After the Ketubah signing in an Orthodox wedding, the rabbi and the two fathers lead a procession of groom and male guests into the bride's room for the badekan (veiling) ceremony. A custom from biblical times, this tradition imitates the steps taken by Jacob who worked for seven years to marry Rachel. Disguised beneath heavy veils on the wedding day, Rachel's father had substituted an older blind daughter Leah. In the bride's chambers, the groom lowers the wedding veil after studying his intended's face. Most Jewish brides wear white to symbolize that they have been to the mikvah (a ritual bath) in preparation for the wedding. The groom wears a kittel (a short white linen robe) over his suit to indicate his spiritual readiness for marriage. Non-Orthodox weddings may borrow some aspects of this tradition, but today its formality is rarely seen. According to Rabbi Caudill, “The non-Orthodox couple usually first see one another when they come together for the signing of the Ketubah ceremony. Most often this ceremony is held directly prior to the wedding.” The couple and family next proceed to the ceremony. Grandparents are escorted to their seating: the bride is to the right and the groom is to the left of the aisle. Procession order, including rabbi and cantor, is determined by local custom. Oftentimes the rabbi will enter down the aisle first when the ceremony is not in a temple or synagogue. The groomsmen will follow one at a time and stand to the left of the chuppah. The best man is next, followed by groom escorted by parents. The bridesmaids follow single file and stand to the right of the chuppah. The maid of honor is next, followed by the flower girl and ring bearer. The bride then walks down the aisle escorted by her parents. They pause before the chuppah and the parents may lift her veil and bestow a kiss. The veil is replaced and the bride's parents stop under the chuppah on the right side. With her parents in position, the bride takes three steps alone to symbolize her decision to enter the marriage. The groom comes to escort her under the chuppah and stops so that she is on his right. In an Orthodox ceremony the parents will stand with the couple below the chuppah during the ceremony. Non-Orthodox weddings have the parents seated in the front row. The Ceremony, Kiddushin“In Napa and Sonoma, with the wonderful views and climate, many Jewish and Jewish-interfaith weddings are celebrated outdoors,” notes Steinberg-Caudill. “The symbolism of the wine ritual (the cup of joy) adds to the celebration when enacted in a garden with vineyards in the background. Some couples choose to make their own chuppah by including members of the family and special friends to take part in the creation.”The ceremony is conducted in Hebrew and English; an Orthodox wedding is usually pronounced in Hebrew only. The rabbi reads from the Ketubah and the couple sips kosher wine from a single cup that has been blessed. Sephardic rabbis usually wrap the couple in a talis, symbolizing the couple becoming one. In most ceremonies with the giving of the ring, the groom repeats a Hebrew vow after the rabbi. The groom declares, ‘Behold, thou art consecrated to me with this ring, according to the law of Moses and Israel .' Traditionally the ring is placed on the bride's pointer finger. She then moves it to her ring finger signifying again her intent to join with this man. Modern ceremonies may have the groom place the ring directly on his bride's ring finger. Toward the conclusion, the rabbi will ask the best man to place a wine glass wrapped in a white cloth or a special bag on the ground under the chuppah . Using his right foot, the groom will break it and guests declare ‘ Mazel Tov .' Some couples keep the broken glass as a keepsake in a velvet pouch. The breaking of the glass has many cultural interpretations: it symbolizes the destruction of the temple in Jerusalem, man's short life on earth, and even that in the midst of a happy occasion we should not forget that life has difficult times, as well as good times. The rabbi declares groom and bride, man and wife. They kiss and recess up the aisle into a Yichud . The Yichud (unity) is a room where the couple can spend a few private moments. If the couple has fasted, a small meal of preferred foods or chicken soup is served. The Yichud is an act of secluding themselves for a few private moments together, symbolic of consummating the marriage. The Wedding Reception, S'eudah MitzvahFamily, guests, bride and groom share a meal begun with a blessing over a wedding challah (a large braided loaf of egg-rich bread). In some weddings, the bride and groom bring a piece of challah to each table. For Orthodox weddings, the meal is prepared kosher-style within the laws of the Torah: no mixing of meat and dairy, and excludes pork and shellfish.Jewish weddings celebrate with music and dance. The hora, a traditional dance of celebration, is initiated when the bride and groom are lifted in separate chairs on the shoulders of their guests. From their perches, the couple is paraded about the dance floor holding the ends of a handkerchief. A traditional close to a Jewish wedding celebration is through a chanting by all of Sheva Brachot, the seven blessings. The couple will sit at a special table in the middle of the dance floor with guests gathered round. An initial prayer “Grace After Meals” is read, followed by the seven marriage blessings recited by chosen guests. Some couples also partake in the wine cup of joy. A full goblet of wine is presented. A second goblet is poured, and then wine from both cups is poured into a third goblet. The bride and groom drink from this cup. The guest leading the close of the celebration may call upon other guests to offer personal blessings. The Jewish faith provides latitude for a bride and groom to plan their celebration. Rabbi Caudill points out that these traditions can all be involved in a traditional Jewish wedding, however not every step of the ceremony is essential. “Discuss your personal ideas with your rabbi who will tell you if they are achievable or not. There are many personal touches a couple can bring into their celebration – especially if it is a merging of two very different cultures.” Other ConsiderationsJewish weddings may not be conducted on the Sabbath (sundown Friday to sundown Saturday) or on certain holidays (Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Passover Shavuo and Sukkoth) and certain other days on the Hebrew calendar such as Tish b'Av.To honor the tradition of giving to the poor during times of personal joy, a couple may ask guests to make a donation to charity in place of a wedding gift. The wedding invitation is offered by the bridal couple and/or both sets of parents. Most invitations are printed on two sides: the left side text in Hebrew and the right side in English. The Jewish invitation invites guests to "dance at" or "to share in the joy of" their wedding. It is a mitzvah to dance at the wedding. A Jewish wedding ceremony may be conducted in a synagogue, temple and in any number of “secular” locations. Marriage ceremonies are generally performed by a rabbi or cantor. In Northern California, many couples opt for outdoor venues. The chuppah is reminiscent of the wedding tent that the couple would live in during their first week of married life. Most floral services offer beautiful chuppahs as one of their standard wedding products. Featured vendors:Congregation Beth Sholom, Napa: www.cbsnapa.org Yehudit Steinberg-Caudill, Sacred Events: www.sacredevents.info Hagafen Cellars: www.hagafen.com Four Gates Winery: www.fourgateswine.com Officiants: www.jewishinterfaithweddings.net Congregation Beth Sholom, Napa : www.cbsnapa.org Rabbi/cantor Sara Shendelman: www.sarashendelman.blogspot.com Cantor Linda Hirschhorn: www.lindahirschhorn.com Board of Rabbis / Northern California: www.norcalrabbis.org Jewish Resource Guide: www.sfjcf.org/resources/guide Afikomen Judaica: www.afikomen.com Tosca Productions: www.toscaproductions.com Cutting Edge Creations: www.lisarauchwerger.com Ketubahworks: www.ketubahworks.com Jubilee Klezmer Ensemble: www.jubileeklezmer.com California Klezmer: www.californiaklezmer.com The Red Hot Chachkas: www.redhotchachkas.com Have Your Cake: www.haveyourcake.org Avi's Fine Catering and Events: www.aviouslydelicious.com Regina 's Cuisine: www.reginascuisine.com Ristorante Raphael: www.ristoranteraphael.com Schumann's Four Seasons Catering: www.schumannsfourseasonscaterers.com Continental Caterers (kosher): www.continentalcaterer.com Seltzer Sisters: www.seltzersisters.com The Marin String Quartet: www.marinstringquartet.com Irv's Premium Challahs: www.irvprem.com Martha Blanchfield is a contributing writer to NapaWeddingSource.com and is the owner/designer of Martha Blanchfield Custom Gowns in Napa, California. visit her website at www.sacredevents.info or send email to: yehuditsc@gmail.com |
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